The bottom step...


Thursday afternoon, with my tummy full of food and my heart full of family, I stood at the bottom of a set of stairs I have looked up many times. 

I didn't stand at the bottom for very long.  I took them two at a time- dodging the creaks like a thief. 

It's funny how a set of stairs can bring back so many memories. 

Amazing memories {racing down for Christmas mornings}.  Painful memories {missed steps and stubbed toes}.  Crazy memories {a brother just behind the corner, waiting to scare me}.  Bad memories {stomped feet and hurled words}.  Funny memories {Mom.  Seriously.  When are you going to paint these stairs??}.  Beautiful memories {a grand entrance for a senior prom}.

Above those stairs was my bedroom.  My safe place.  The harbor of my dreams and hopes and ambitions.  It was my space. 

It was the place where I carved the initials of all the boys I ever had a crush on into my bedpost.  It was the place where I hid all my stories and notes and words in the empty space under the bookcase.  It was the place where I hacked away at a keyboard every night until four AM... and then dragged myself out of bed for school.  It was the place full of dirty clothes and magazine pictures of my favorite TV characters taped on the walls and books hidden under the bed... things that made it mine.  It was the place where Mama would sneak in to lay the first lilac blossoms on my pillow. 

That set of old wooden stairs was the only thing standing between me... and home.

It's funny how a set of stairs can make me anticipate so many things... 

I go up a different set of stairs now.  Pink carpet and wallpaper replace wood and paneling.  There are no creaks, but there is a railing.  The rooms are in different places.  But the feeling when I push open the door is the same.  Home.  The place where I can kick off my shoes and breathe. 


This place is so temporary.  Not a house I own... but a space I rent for a little while.  The home I truly long for sometimes seems so far away.

Like I'm standing on the bottom step.

But there's no other step I'd rather be on.  Here, looking up I can see where I'm going.  Here I am not so high that I feel I have attained anything more than what I am.  Here I am so small... but I can see Your glory.

Lord, keep me always on this step.  

 One foot lifted away from everything You have saved me from, but close enough to remember.  One foot placed ahead, toward everything that You saved me for.  Keep me on this step where I am close enough to be Your hands and feet.  Keep my eyes and heart fixed on what's up There... my safe place... my harbor.  The Place where You're waiting, preparing for me. 

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