With Arms Wide Open

"Sometimes I think this is what Heaven will look like," he says from across the lake.  In the darkness, I imagine his arm makes a sweeping gesture I have seen before...  fingers extended to pass across the air in front the Body of Christ.  I can feel the Sword in his hand, dividing soul and spirit...   And for a second, I think I can see what he means.   I think I can see what He means. What Heaven might look like. A host of us gathered before the throne... One nation under God. One nation.  Under God. Citizenship. Can I even fathom that? I have to take stock of my heart...  to seek Truth ... to find humility. Because I am cut in half. Flesh/Spirit.  Bone/Marrow. Divided. Where does my loyalty lie? Whose banner do I stand under? I have to take an honest evaluation, not of the answer I want to give... but of the truth of the matter. Could I lay down my personal freedom if it meant another would walk in ete...

Sometimes I despise this body... its frailties... its imperfections... its weaknesses . Somestimes I despise this mind... my wandering thoughts... its lack of organization... the fixation on the inane... and the overlooking of the One thing that matters. Sometimes I despise this heart... this heart that tears in half so easily.  This heart that yearns so deeply... that longs to please. I. Am. Flawed. I am broken.  This world is broken.  Human love is broken. And it's hard. It's hard not to push away when it hurts.  Not to build a wall around my heart.  A fence of offense.  It's hard not to sink into the desire to be self-sufficient.  It's hard not to hear the line... "You don't need anyone.  You don't need Anyone. " It's hard to close my ears to the lie. In case you missed that... It's a lie . The Truth is I Am. I am complete . Created in His image . Not alone.  The truth is that I am covered by a Jesus who fal...

I spent a few hours today carefully               (yes.  I can be careful.)                        taking picture frames down from my best friend's walls. A favored daughter's ballet photos.                   A prized son's personality caught in a moment on film. My friend has a decorator's heart and true  talent.  I love visiting her home.  Her modest walls are covered in beautiful family photos.  But  God answers big dreams , and my friend is packing up her starter home of fifteen years and moving to a bigger home with her family. What a privilege it was to examine each picture as I took it down and carefully wrapped it... to wonder at the memories trapped behind the glass and the parts of their life that happened way before I came along.   As each picture came down, my eyes were captivated m...

I have that heavy heart feeling.      You know the one I mean? The one that feels like someone kicked a hole in you... and the pieces of what's left are settling on the floor. It's been one of those days... Mama said they were coming. The dark kind. The kind that leaves a cold ache.  And a need for something to fill that hole right back up. So I turned to those things. You know... those things. First, I went shopping.  I wandered.  I tried on.  I wandered.  I tried on.  There was a new find every other aisle!  It was a great trip. Then, the chocolate.  Chocolate chip cookies for dinner!  Oh boy!  (When the hubby is away it's anything goes!)  Yummy. Last, I went for the TV.  If I bury myself in my favorite drama series, nothing about my life can possibly be that bad .  Right? Except here I am. With a hole. Feeling like you're full of holes?  Join me in the Word tonight....

A friend who delights my heart spoke to me last week about how God was stretching her...    stretching her... in ways she could never have anticipated. And those words struck hard. A sensation I could remember feeling... a work I knew the Lord had done in my life.  But He is faithful to only give us what we're ready for. And I wasn't ready to know. I wasn't ready to know how BIG He is.  Or how wide.  Or how deep.  Or how vast.  Or how holy.  Or how perfect.  Or how beautiful.  Or how terrifying.  Or how just.  Or how true.  Or how merciful. Or how small i was in comparison. Sometimes He has to make us bigger so that He can fill us up.  I only have the capacity to hold as much of Him as He allows.  Sometimes He has to make more room.  Because He knows me. He knows I live a life less thankful.  My small mind is focused on my small problems.  I lose sight of HOW BIG HE IS. ...

A new start.     more of the same... A fresh slate.         more of the same... A blank page.             more of the same... Don't misunderstand me.  I cannot deny this God who gives new starts and fresh slates and new mercies moment by moment. I cannot deny His power that called this hopeless wretch out of a Walmart parking lot and into the LIGHT OF HIS LOVE.  He's a God who changes and restores and takes my brokenness and makes something beyond new.  Something wholly different... something striving for holy... I watch others celebrate a new year and a new season.   And my heart is singing with them.   God, You are holy, and You are doing a new thing, and You are wise, and You are good, and I trust You.   But my heart knows... for me it is more of the same.  One twitch of a number... a one turns to a two.  And God tells me... more of the same. I expect that more...

Can you picture it?  The one by one by one dirty, nitty gritty, love relationships that Jesus formed?  The GRUNT work that this man-who-was-God did with intentional  grace.  Tearing down walls, peering behind the veils, lifting away the masks until all that was left was bare, raw truth... and loving what was there.   Seeing the potential in the broken pieces.  The worth.   The value.   The possibilities. Leaving people changed. Changed in such a way that there was no choice but to respond. Can you imagine it the way it was then? Can you imagine the sheer joy of the creation of Jesus?  The glory? For you created my inmost being;                 the creation... of Jesus... you knit me together in my mother's womb.                 a King... in the womb of a young girl... I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;       ...