Yet will I Sing...
"I will follow You."
"Break my heart for what breaks Yours."
"Send me."
There are words you can't unsay. There are prayers you can't take back.
And there are things I can't unsee and things I can't unknow.
Would I still have followed so hard after You if I had known where You were going? Would I have begged for Your broken heart if I had known the cost? Would I have asked to be sent to the places I have been?
Would i have said yes?
I find myself on uneven, holy ground- feet scorched and blistered, wondering how much further I have to walk. Wondering how much more this will cost me. Wondering how much more I have to lay down. Is this how Abraham felt when what You required was his child? God, why do the holy things have to be so hard?
When you said to count the cost before beginning the work (Luke 14:25-34), how could i have ever considered or estimated? How would i know that it would be lost sleep... lost meals... lost family... lost self... lost time? How could I know that my prayers would never be so real or so desperate? How can anyone ever know?
except You did. You knew. You sat with the weight of it and begged Your good, good Father to take it from You... and then You carried out His good, pleasing, and perfect will anyway. You picked it up and You died to it so You could have me with You forever. I was worth it to You. I was worth everything to You. You didn't just count the cost of building a castle, You weighed the cost against the reward. You purposed in Your heart that You would not settle for less than a kingdom. You stilled the hands of Your disciples from even defending You for my sake because You knew it was necessary.
You didn't just consider whether or not You could win a war. You knew it would cost even more than Your life. It would cost the dignity of God. It would cost leaving a place where angels You created magnified Your Name with every breath. It would cost putting on the fragility of baby skin and being born into a stable. It would cost Your glory as people You loved, created, and came to save didn't even recognize You. They mocked and scorned You and fought over Your clothes. It would cost the price of human time. It would cost suffering temptation. It would cost Your skin pulled from Your body and nails driven through Your flesh. It would cost a perfect sacrifice. But You knew that it was worth the fight if You got me. And then You chased death to the cross with joy because You wanted me. You won the war with Your last breath, and as if that wasn't enough, You made it so I could have victory, too.
How could i not say yes? It's seven years later, Lord.
I will still follow You. Break my heart for what breaks Yours. Here I am. Send me.
"Break my heart for what breaks Yours."
"Send me."
There are words you can't unsay. There are prayers you can't take back.
And there are things I can't unsee and things I can't unknow.
Would I still have followed so hard after You if I had known where You were going? Would I have begged for Your broken heart if I had known the cost? Would I have asked to be sent to the places I have been?
Would i have said yes?
I find myself on uneven, holy ground- feet scorched and blistered, wondering how much further I have to walk. Wondering how much more this will cost me. Wondering how much more I have to lay down. Is this how Abraham felt when what You required was his child? God, why do the holy things have to be so hard?
When you said to count the cost before beginning the work (Luke 14:25-34), how could i have ever considered or estimated? How would i know that it would be lost sleep... lost meals... lost family... lost self... lost time? How could I know that my prayers would never be so real or so desperate? How can anyone ever know?
except You did. You knew. You sat with the weight of it and begged Your good, good Father to take it from You... and then You carried out His good, pleasing, and perfect will anyway. You picked it up and You died to it so You could have me with You forever. I was worth it to You. I was worth everything to You. You didn't just count the cost of building a castle, You weighed the cost against the reward. You purposed in Your heart that You would not settle for less than a kingdom. You stilled the hands of Your disciples from even defending You for my sake because You knew it was necessary.
You didn't just consider whether or not You could win a war. You knew it would cost even more than Your life. It would cost the dignity of God. It would cost leaving a place where angels You created magnified Your Name with every breath. It would cost putting on the fragility of baby skin and being born into a stable. It would cost Your glory as people You loved, created, and came to save didn't even recognize You. They mocked and scorned You and fought over Your clothes. It would cost the price of human time. It would cost suffering temptation. It would cost Your skin pulled from Your body and nails driven through Your flesh. It would cost a perfect sacrifice. But You knew that it was worth the fight if You got me. And then You chased death to the cross with joy because You wanted me. You won the war with Your last breath, and as if that wasn't enough, You made it so I could have victory, too.
How could i not say yes? It's seven years later, Lord.
I will still follow You. Break my heart for what breaks Yours. Here I am. Send me.
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