Heal the wound...


Yesterday I was thinking about Bicknell First Baptist Church home.

I was wondering who I would be if I had not wandered through those doors... at just the right time. 
I was wondering what might have happened with my life if I had not pulled on my bandana and taken off my shoes and settled down in the pew like it was my couch.

If I had not let them see the wounds.  If I had not opened to the healing... responded to the Healer.


Sometimes it takes knowing who I'm not to find out who You are.

The power flashed first.  And then it went dark.  Three whole breaths of still air.  And then the lights crashed back in.  Just long enough to stumble.  Just long enough to have to feel for the boundaries of the shapes around me.

Just long enough to know that beyond everything I am... is everything You are.

When I try to grasp it... try to bear it... try to understand it...

How can we rally behind one child by the thousands... and not fall on our faces before the One who is holding him up?

How can we draw hard lines in the sand sketching out our beliefs... and risk alienating the least of these?

How can we splash hurtful words across our computer screens... and not realize there is someone on the other side?

How can we tear down the Body... the Bride... like it doesn't hurt the Bridegroom's heart??

How can we live like our lives don't matter?  

By laying out the boundaries of who I am, all that is left must be You.

Lord, let me decrease so You can increase.  

 Because I can't be big enough for all of this.  Where would I even begin?

Truth is... it begins at the end of me.

Where are You in all of this?  Where are You?  I want to know Your heart... I want to see what YOU see.  I want to hear what You have to say.

Taking this mess... and building an altar... layer by layer.  First, my pride.  Then I'll add my confusion.  And this grief.  I'm stacking up this feeling in my heart- the sickness.  I am pouring out my sadness... my disgust.

And right here I choose to worship... even though I don't understand.

Because with less of me, there's more of You.  And You are more than enough.


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